Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Viva Pinata

I hate the cancer industry.

I don't mean that I hate legitimate research or the scientific search for a cure. I mean I hate the for-profit cottage industry making billions by selling awareness swag. I get that some of these places donate towards research, but lets face it, most of them just swim around in the pools full of money they got by peddling ribbon-themed merch to the friends and families of survivors.

All of it makes it especially difficult to help decorate for a friend's one year "cancerversary." I don't want to buy a bunch of orange-ribbon, leukemia-awareness crap from a swag peddler, so I'm going to try to make my own pinata for her to symbolically bash in cancer's face. I plan to fill it with red and white candy, because that's as close as I can get to coming up with an actual theme for this project. (Not gonna lie, the back up play is a store-bought vampire pinata, because: blood.)

Difficulty: 1) I've never made a pinata and only have the vaguest memories of papier-mache 2) The shape I want precludes the use of balloons as a stabilizer for the chewed paper.

The internet tells me I can use tagboard and masking tape instead of balloons or chickenwire. The internet has lied to me in the past, but I want to believe. I'm already skeptical whether tagboard (or even concrete) can possibly hold the weight of candy I am likely to put into anything that can be filled with candy. On the other hand, if I make it too strong, my friend and the inevitable children that attempt to participate may have a hard time breaking through to its gooey center. As much as I enjoy demoralizing little children, this would seem to send the wrong message about a fight against cancer.

This may be a disaster. A pinatastrophe, as it were.

I started with most of the necessary supplies. If this is going to be a -tastrophe of any kind, I intend to fully document it for posterity.


I wasn't really confident in my ability to freehand a ribbon. Yummy sushi scarf to the rescue! 


Because, as my mother is fond of saying, I am my father's daughter, I used a carpenter's pencil to trace the yummy sushi scarf. For the same reason I lost it behind my ear twice during this process.


I cut out two copies of the ribbon, to be the front and back. 


Hey! it kinda looks like a ribbon!


Next step was to cut out the sides. I decided on a 5 inch width sort of randomly. The internet suggested i use 4-inches. I'm not greedy, but more is always better, right? I should probably have measured the tagboard and mathed before cutting, but I live on the edge and it seemed like it would be enough. 


First strip in place. I am on FIRE!


I got the rest of the bottom attached to the sides. But realised i forgot the cut out. I can see this cut out is a trouble maker. I am concerned about it.


I am really not much of a 3-d sculptural artist. These curves are a pain in the rump. 


I took a break to make the hanger. The internet suggested using a jar lid with a hole in it. My jar lid is hole-less, but a hammer and screw driver quickly remedied that. 


I added some parachute cord, tied some knots, and viola: hangeryness.


The next step was adding the other side. this was more difficult,as i couldn't brace it from the inside. More on that later. 


The finalish shape. 


And hooray, it looks ribbony! I don't want to use too much masking tape, in case it makes it harder to break. But on the other hand, I want it to not break before its time. Pinatas are hard.


I should note two things here: the first is this thing wont hold much candy without self destruction and the second... it's a closed system. I didn't leave a trap door for candy placement. I know this may have been a mistake, but my plan currently is to find some newspaper and papier-mache the crap out of the whole thing, then cut a hole in the hole thing for candy-adding.

I don't currently have any news paper, so I am done for today. The plan is to raid some recycling bins under the cover of night. Barring that, I'll take my biggest purse to a bar that has copies of The Stranger for free. 















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