Busted Stems

I haven't posted in a while, but I wrote some entries which I am now getting around to almost a year later. Enjoy the ketchup.

This one time, last August, I went to visit some friends who were showing an outdoor movie at their house. They had chosen Showgirls for the camp value. As I arrived and descended their grand, curving, outdoor staircase, something along the lines of this happened. Except with more clothing.

After visits to the ER and what my mother has referred to as an “Arthropod” but is actually an orthopaedic surgeon, I was prescribed 8-10 weeks of NetFlix. This may sound like a nice vacation, but really it is a lot like being stuck in the movie Misery, without the benefit of Kathy Bates bringing me things.

The problem with having two jacked up ankles is that even crutches are not much help, because you can’t put weight on either of them. The first few weeks I was crawling to and from the bathroom and kitchen because it was easier than trying to walk. The stairs and small spaces in my house meant a wheelchair was not feasible, and the surgeon had essentially told me I could get a tiny scooter in six weeks “if I was good.”

Dickypaws the Destructor found the crawling situation untenable and seemed to be concerned I was trying to steal his food. As a result he threw any roadblock he could think of into my path. Generally this consisted of his rather prodigious body weight, but he was also creative enough to hack a hairball or two into my path. It was like the worlds worst version of the Wacky Races.

There were no winners.