Scaramel Apples

Somehow, in preparing for the party, I roped myself into making some food. This is a terrible idea. Food is not my preferred artistic medium. Much of what I know about food was learned from my mother. I was raised in a house where salt was outlawed, and a "good" dinner was everything in the refrigerator thrown into a pot and made into a casserole. Usually this included wine. This casserole was always called "glump-glump", and I grew up thinking that was a Normal Thing. It is not, and it is disgusting. Yes, mother: ALWAYS.

I got some Chips and nacho Cheese, and decided to make Caprese bites (mozzerella, basil, and tomatos) because I knew it was something my friend likes to eat in the summertime, and I was optimistic about the weather. Here they are pre-basil. I dunno why I didn't take a picture afterwards, but they did get greener, and therefore more healthy... right?

Since everything I was making started with the letter C, when I saw this video on making drunken mini Caramel apples it seemed like a good fit. They look really lovely, delicious, and perfect for taunting and/or accidentally inebriating the children.

I followed the directions, balling apples using a melon baller.

I had a choice when I bought the melon baller: either a nice kitchenaid one that would match my kitchen and cost $10, or a $3 crappy one. How often am I going to use a melon baller? I went for the cheapass one. Three apples later, the baller bailed, losing both structural integrity and its head. 

An emergency trip to the store, and a replacement, and many apples were balled.

I set one set to soak in caramel apple vodka, and another in some water with a bit of lemon juice in an attempt to keep them from turning brown. This was only moderately successful. 8 hours later, they were saturated and it was time for The Carmelling.




I dried the apples, I put them on sticks.

I performed mise-en-place, with sprinkles galore.

What I'm trying to say here, is that I TOTALLY FOLLOWED DIRECTIONS. I was skeptical after the first three apples started to pool. Maybe it was just that the day was too hot. The apples had been in the fridge, they should have been cold.

I tried some other techniques. I spun, I bobbed, I wove. And still, every time I put the apples onto the tray, they turned into Frosty in a greenhouse. Maybe they wanted top hats.

As a last ditch, I tried the refrigerator. As if somehow, that would make the caramel defy gravity and work its way back up the apples. It did not. I didn't finish the apples, I sort of gave up mid-project. They looked even worse the next morning, so I left them at home. I now have a lot of wet and vodka-soaked apples in the fridge, does anyone know a horse-who-is-also-a-hobo and might enjoy them? Perhaps in a nice glump-glump?