Today I soaked the floor and let it sit for an hour. Still no dice on the wiping. I let another hour pass, and nothing. I was pretty sure that the advice about wiping was true, because during the poopstorm when the floor was saturated, I managed to scrape up a bunch of the gunk with a screwdriver.
While I waited for the gunk to soften, I decided to block off the area under the doors. A lot of dust has been getting underneath them. So I'm trying cardboard and masking tape. The main problem is that the doors need to open and close, so I can't duct-tape them off. I'm not thrilled with this as a solution, and there's probably a better one out there.
So... what he hell, it worked once. I decided to try using my biggest screw driver to try scraping the stuff once it had soaked. Turns out it worked amazingly. Once I discovered that, I switched to a putty/drywall knife, which I'm sure my father will tell me I should have been using from the start. Once I got the right tool, I was able to clear out the hallway by spraying it down with water and then scraping it up. The whole thing took less time than I spent on the first five feet, so I feel a little dumb about it now.
Don't tell anyone.
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