Homecoming

Holy hell, we made it out. Things looked touch and go for a bit, because people had the idea that yelling at the gate agents would somehow improve the situation, when really all it did was slow things down for the rest of us. As we sat waiting for baggage to load, one guy decided he was going to "gallantly" give up his seat for a friend to keep the guy with his wife and kid. Apparently it didnt matter how many families he seperated while we delayed more so they could take off his baggage and figure things out. Fortunately the friend got bumped up on the standby list (maybe yelling does work....) and so we didnt have to wait any longer. 

The relief when we took off was palpable. People had started telling each other horror stories of five hour waits in the customer service line.... No hotel rooms available anywhere... Days before another flight. Im not sure how much if it was fact and how much was panic, but the line for customer service was longer than most of the lines ive seen at PAX. One was so long it went around corners and looked endless. I can think of a lot of cities i wouldnt mind being stuck in for a few days. Houston doesnt make that list. Houston with my liberal mother in a campaign year seems like a recipe for disaster.

I think maybe this was our punishment for keeping captive crabs.

This sort of thing has happened before, once on a cruise, my mother and i werent content having only two dinners, and decided to go to the formal dining room for a third. Everything went wrong. The food was terrible-- I got the most disgusting soup, that i am pretty sure was actually dishwater. They were out of a bunch of stuff. My mother accidentally threw a dirty kleenex at the waiter. It was generally unpleasant. We were clearly being punished for the hubris of taking a third dinner.

Now ive done my time in houston, i should be in the karmic clear for a while.

Sadly the trouble wasnt over when we got home. We left houston at 3:30 AM local time (3.5 hours late) and arrived in Portland 4.5 hours later. My parents had checked a bag, and it never turned up, which meant waiting in another line to start the claim process. This took about an hour. We have been travelling for more than 24 hours, and have eaten one mealtype thing at an airport panda express. We are all wiped out and cranky.

Three hours later we made it back to my parents, to find out my car battery was dead. Another hour to charge it, an hours drive, and i am finally back onboard The Violet Vengeance at 1:30PM Seattle time (5:30PM Bonaire time, almost exactly 36 hours from when we got up to leave for the airport.) My plan for the day is to lie in bed with cats and watch tv til i pass out.

Buh-bye Bonaire, Hello Houston!

The Bonaire airport was dressed in its xmas best when we arrived at 6:30AM.

We even took a selfie. It takes a while to get through the boarding pass line here, and they dont allow phone boarding passes, so i was bored. (My mother just saw this as i was posting and said "that looks like your dad!" I guess he is famous on the internets now.)

My dad was singled out for a search of his carry-on as we left, and we both had to go into the special line at immigration, but we made it out just in time for our 12 hour layover, hooray!! 

We have been camped out in the first class lounge for about 8 hours now, and have a few more to go. Then we fly into Portland at 2:41AM, then a three hour drive, then another hour for me. Miles to go before i sleep. We have taken ruthless advantage of the amenities in the first class lounge. I think we are up to about 2 bottles of free wine between the three of us, and my mother discovered bacon bits meant for salad with the food. She has been mixing them with blue cheese dressing at about a 1:1 ratio and eating it with pita chips. (I am not yet ready to eat blue cheese after smelling it for five hours).

We were able to take showers, which is the first hot water we have had since leaving the states. In bonaire the tap water is naturally sort of lukewarm/pool temperature, and we pool more than showering, so a hot shower was a good treat to erase the first flight.

My mother and i were treated to an hours-long spat between a couple sitting behind us. She tried to sleep through most of it, but im sure it felt like being back at work.

I have upped my caffeine consumption. So far 2 diet cokes, some black tea, and a cappucino. I should be awake for daaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyssssssss!

So we went to board, and there was a flight to Lagos, Nigeria at the gate. Turns out our flight was delayed first an hour, now two. We are currently optimistically waiting at the gate. The earlier flight to portland was cancelled, along with a bunch of other flights, so if this one makes it, it will be packed. We are at hour 14 in the Houston airport and counting.

Update: we just had a gate change, and saw the line for customer service which seems endless. Easily 1000 people deep and i couldnt see near the end. People are saying all flights are full for the next 3 days, and hotels are full. If this flight doesnt go, we may be stuck in Houston for days.... Wish for us. 

Update2: well we are sitting on a plane, but a bunch of people on standby are making problems and causing more delays, so we are still not certain of departure.

An open letter to the people on my flight

Dear people of United flight 1401 from Bonaire:

I hate you. I hate you all. I hate you sooo hard. But some of you deserve special hateful attention.

Lady in front of me, whyyyyyyy would you bring blue cheese as a snack on a plane? I will eat blue cheese like a fat french girl, but i dont want to smell it rotting in your pocket for five hours. It is not improved in any way by you eating it in a closed space where everyone else needs to suffer your disgusting tastes. And putting it on seaweed crackers? That should be considered an olfactory war crime. I wish to convene a tribunal!! PS, the only thing that stank isnt covering is the smell of your husbands cheese farts. 

And you... The kid next to me, who is made of elbows. You are a third my size and taking up most of both of our seats. I am crammed against the window trying to sleep, but you keep hitting me with your elbows like an ass (if that ass was made of elbows.) If you cant contain yourself, put away your freaking phone game and take one of your mother's xanax. I now understand why she chose not to sit in the same row as you and your sister, and i hate her for inflicting you on me. Also, i hope you are learning a valuable lesson about reading over other peoples shoulders. While we are at it, please ask your mother about the following topics at your earliest convenience, preferably loudly and around a dinner table full of guests: bestiality, crotchfruit (and why it should be avoided), god's rainbow sexy time, and what 50 shades of grey is really about.

Sincerely,

A fellow passenger.

Weather or Not.

Our last few days on the island were pretty rainy, and Daktaris clutch didnt really allow for any excursions. We mostly just sat around the house playing Ipad games against each other and teasing the iguanas. i have a few last minute pics i will post when i get home, as theyre still in my camera and we are currently travelling home.

Here are some pretty pictures i got around the house of rainbows, clouds, and sunsets. Its like a unicorn puked all over us. 

My mother likes to say that "rainbows mean god is having gay sex". If so, he had a good couple of days, because we got a bunch of rainbows. Or maybe my mother just figured out how to nailpolish the sky.

The sky here can do some strange things that make it look more like a painting than clouds. 

Frequently the sky looks both sunny and stormy. The rainstorms here are highly localised. 

Lac Bay (all bird edition)

We saw a bunch of birds at Lac Bay. These Sandpippery birds were on the deserted side.

These tonsure-sporting gullesque birds were all over. They may be the monks responsible for the virgin.

We also had visits from a Chibi and a Sparrow while we ate. Outdoor dining means they get delicious crumbs.

Mockingbirds just like watching the ladies.

Lac Bai

Ok this is my second attempt writing this post, as blogger ate the first one after i was done with it.

For Christmas Eve Day we went to Lac Bai (Lake Bay for the anglushers.) This is a sheltered bay on the east side of the island. It is the light blue area across the island from the blue dot marking parents house. It is surrounded by the green of mangrove forests, where a lot of the island fish breed.

Because the entirety of Lac Bai is only waist deep, it is useless to the island's divers, so it is used primarily to contain the windsurfers. It is a good place for windsurfing, steady wind and shallowish water.

There are a number of beach bars/windsurf schools/resorts here, with lounge chairs and drinks at the ready. This was my plan for the morning.

Normally there is a strip of beach between the areas, but the moon has made the tide as high as it gets here, and most of the beach (and some of the lounge chair legs) are currently submerged.

The lack of beach to walk on did nothing to deter my mother, who immediately set off to the less inhabited side of the beach like something was chasing her. It might have been the alien girlfriend my dad pointed out. Island bitches be skinny.

The beach was basically an obstacle course of sand bags, children, and tourists. This is not hyperbole, there was one little guy who had built himself an impressive moat in which to catch people. It half filled with water every wave.

We had to slog through thigh-deep water half the time. I am happy to have not dropped my camera. The other end of the beach lacks resorts and shade, and is mostly used by natives. I posted a bunch of pictures of it last time, so i am skipping most of it here. There are a few interesting things on this end. If you feel the need to place a fake flower before the Virgin of the Valley, you can come here. Im not sure what the valley is. I was mostly disappointed that she doesnt dispense fortunes for a quarter. 

The other exciting thing over here was a one armed sandman. He is probably a veteran of the snowman wars of '06. Or maybe he donated his arm to the virgin.

He stared longingly out to sea, but no one wants to help a handicapped sandman to windsurf.

My parents watched fish from the docks. I headed back towards civilisation and alcohol.

We wound up getting a table at the Hang Out Beach Bar at Jibe City. The table was just over the shoreline on a dock, and shady enough for me to survive a few hours of watching windsurfers.

The bay filled up while we were there. Most of the people out seemed to be from the cruise ships and were novice sailboarders. Even the best we saw were unable to manage a turn at the ends of the bay. This is sad because it meant we couldn't watch the pros do tricks. We did see one guy dancing with his sail, but mostly it was downed sails and low speed crashes.

Both Santa and Mrs Claus made appearances, probably getting ready for their big night.

Jibe City's halls were also decked.

The beach was full of kids too young for lessons. A whole barge of them hung out right under our table.

The weather started getting rough. These waves are behind the breakwater, so only a fraction of their force gets into the bay itself, but rainclouds were looming.

We ate lunch then got out of dodge before the rain really hit. Santa was arriving just as we left.